You think your life is finally settling down, and then
God throws something completely new and challenging at you.
At least, that is what it feels like. I just moved
last week to a new place in the city; a cute, small little ground floor bungalow
apartment, a downsize to say the least, from my last home of eighteen months. The
moving process took almost three months from when I started to think about
moving to actually moving. The timing I felt couldn’t have been worse!
Last year was a year of change, and a year of growth
for me. When 2017 started one of my prayers was that I have a simple, not
dramatic year, and for the first few months it felt like God had answered my
prayer. It was quiet, I got into the routine of my third semester of school,
enjoyed classes and workshops with my classmates, and spending time with
friends; everything was simple and peaceful. However in my second school
placement, as I was already struggling to keep up with all the homework that I
was drowning in, God decided that that was a good time to move -- for my own
sanity. However, sanity does not come easily while trying to juggle school,
homework, looking for houses/apartments, and viewing all the places that you
are in communication with. Really God? Great idea……
In May, my first week of this final semester of school
I fried my brain. It decided to not work. That was it. It was all I could do to
not have a breakdown. I had so much to do, and a barely working brain to do it.
I couldn’t remember anything. With the house hunting I had to find a place that
would work for both my new housemates – good bus routes to their perspective schools
– in completely different parts of the
city!!!– as well as for a good price, preferably pet friendly, and close to
stores, etc, etc, etc. I could barely keep up with that and classes, homework, laundry,
forming a new friendship, cooking, eating, and keeping the house clean.
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| Our Lady of Perpetual Help sits on the mantel of my new fireplace |
Why did I get stuck with all of this all at the same
time, with having to step up and be a leader when my brain was fried? A time
when my classmates were also rallying for my help with assignment schedules, and
homework? Well… at the feast of Epiphany, my family has a tradition to pull out
of a hat “Epiphany gifts.” My gift this year was “leadership.” For anyone who
knows me, they know I don’t like leading or being in charge. I would much
rather have someone else take charge and I do as I’m told. No decisions. My
shock at the gift was not surprising. I wondered what God had in store for me that
he would gave me that gift. Well, bit by bit I’ve seen myself being thrown into
the leadership role – whether with my schooling, classmates, house hunting/moving/closing
down my last household, to of course being a leader/role model to all the
children I interact with. And through it all I’ve learnt one thing: being a
leader means letting go. People think
that with leadership comes power, true, but with leadership actually comes a
time of self-denial, a time of giving up of your
own time for others. Being a leader you have to think about what is best
for a situation, what has to be done at that moment, how to coordinate, and to
meet the deadlines that others are waiting on you for. You have to take on extra
responsibility. Not an easy task.
We are all human, we all dislike self-denial – giving
up our time, our needs, what we want. But yet, most of the time that is what is
asked of us.
Mom gave me some advice as I was stressed with
juggling all of the things that needed to be done. She told me to “stay
grounded.” Stay grounded? What does that mean exactly? A question I constantly
ask myself. I believe it is continuing to pray, to focus on God through all the
difficulties, to performing the duty of the moment whatever that may be. To
remember that there is always grace that God gives us to get us through whatever
struggles, difficulties, or challenges we have to face. We are never alone.
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| Joshua 24:15 on the wall by my new front door |
I don’t know why I have to take on the leadership roles – I’d rather not, but God gives us what we need. And maybe this was just the next step in becoming who God really wants me to be. All I can ask for is patience, guidance, and peace through all the craziness that God throws my way.
"If He asks much of you, it is because He knows
you can give much!" ~St. JPII
